B of the B: 2nd update

To begin with, I would like to raise my hand in salute to all the courageous people in Iran fighting for their freedom and the right to decide who shall govern them. The ruling government has dubbed the struggles an influence of the western society. Didn’t know Freedom much like McDonalds originated or belongs only to the West. The last time I checked, which was today morning as I got on with my life, it was a fundamental right.

Also, my heart goes out to the beautiful and humane late Neda Agha-Soltan and her family. If we are complacent enough not to better the bad around us, then we should simply raise our kids right; make them capable, compassionate and righteous and then unleash them on the world. I am sure they will find a method in all this madness.

Anyway, coming to my Battle of the Bulge, this past week, I did manage to make it to the gym. Stepping in after so many months (read 12), I was overwhelmed; not by the machines as much as by the people on the them. Well-toned hamstrings sweating on the elliptical, fashionably muscular and thin arms crunching the bicep curl, nicely chiseled calf and thighs pounding the treadmill at speed enough to overtake cars in the left lane.

Damn, I was in shapely body heaven and, sadly, quite out of shape. Biting my lips and holding on to my towel and a bottle of cold water, I got on with it. All the time thinking why is that skinnies, as I call them, need to sweat so much. Isn’t that an overkill?

On my way from the elliptical to the hip abduction machine, (I should probably build my house and live on that one) I passed a barely 100 pound woman pulling weight almost triple her body weight. Her motive I know, she is training for WWF or over-killing to the power of infinite.

Then I stumbled across a teenager, just beginning to sprout facial hair, yapping on the phone and with his other hand, heaving a dumbbell probably rated R. And of course there was this other man, who defying gravity, was doing hardest of the hardest abdominal crunches, flat lined on a bench. As I passed him, I heard him grunt 123. Showoff, I labeled him silently.

Anyhow, I have decided on my workout regimen, elliptical for 40-60 minutes, and then 20 reps (repetition) with lightweights, three to four times a week. Lightweights as I do not want to bulk up, the whole idea is to bulk down. Lightweight and more reps shall work a specific part of the body, shape it, build enough muscle to burn calories even as I rest (I am working hard so I can laze longer).

You can always differentiate between the Billionaires and borderline paupers not only by what they have but also by how they think. Bill Gates plans so he can generate Benjamin Franklins as he sleeps, I plan to burn calories on my way to la la land.

Coming back, the machines I have chosen are hip abduction, ab crunch and a machine that works oblique. Sorry, I shall get it’s official name, unofficially I am calling it the love handle cutter- especially the one that starts from your waist and converges on the abdomen or knee.

As I sweated, doing my last 10 minutes on the elliptical (bringing your heart rate down and then taking it up again – or as informed populace calls it, interval training, does wonders for skyrocketing your metabol.), I saw the snob (remember the one who was doing gravity defying ab crunch) hobble out of the gym on crutches. With obvious effort, I saw him make his way to a car parked on the disabled spot and maneuver himself and the crutches inside the automobile.

I move on the elliptical, humbled, awed and inspired. If he can do it, I bloody well work harder and gripe less.

FYI – With around three weeks of careful eating and drinking loads of H20, a week of being sick and five days of extensive gyming, I have lost 5-6 pounds and around 1-2 inch all over.

Peeps, few tips to look thin specially in those pictures we post on social networking sights:

• Stand next to something much larger than you. It could be a motorbike, car, truck or a building. Choose according to your size.
• Secondly, do not have picture of you standing on the beach, all covered up with only neck and face exposed. You are assumed to be fat- period. So on the beach flaunt some skin, even if it’s only your forearms or fingertips.
• Lastly and seriously, wear tops/blouses slightly cinched at the waist. It gives our body some shape and we do not resemble an uninteresting blob of endless cloth.

Till next Thursday :)

Abientot!

First Updt: Battle of the Bulge

When Gengish Khan, emitting a bloodcurdling cry, raised his sword, to attack the Khwarezmain army, did the sharp blade come loose at the hilt and fall to the ground?

When King Jong-il launched the nuclear test missile, did its chemical rocket engine, unfortunately, break down and the missile stayed where it was, dead and defunct?

Or When Kate and John Gosselin or Heidi and Spencer Pratt decided to star in a reality show, did the cameras suddenly self combust?

Then why, oh why, just as I was about to commence on something so positive, a personal and full-scale offensive in my very own Battle of the Bulge (much less bloodier than the original of 16th December, 1944) did my body’s immunity become a traitor?

Yes ladies, sorry to say I have the bug! And it aint boogie-ing alone, it's come with a damn entourage: fever, phlegm and of course the back breaking body ache.

Anyhow, groaning in the bed, with my nose super glued to a box of Kleenex, my resolution to win the battle, shall persevere. The good news is that my hand is reaching out more for water and less for coffee, and soda or as I call it ‘fizzy fat’.

I have, as some of my blog readers and my research suggested, been eating regular and small meals. I am, instead of sugar-laden juices, actually managing to stuff some fruit in my mouth. ‘Wheat and not white’ is my new tat.

Soon, I shall hit, or drag myself to the gym and start . . . slow, but start for sure. Therefore all is not lost!

Do not be disheartened for me, because I am not. There is so much determination that lil roadblocks like a 101F fever is like the fly President Obama , recently, ‘swatted’ to eternal peace or should I say piece?

Abientot!

PS: you know what worked better than the red and blue (stars I was already seeing in my striped flannels-get it?) pills of Tylenol and Aleve was reading all the posts and emails from friends/readers. Almost everyone had a war tale to share. Thank you and keep postin & sharin! Till the next update! :)

Battle of the Bulge: Chapter 1

The longest battle ever fought?

Hundred and sixteen years of war, from 1337 to 1453, between England and France! FALSE.

Battle of the Bulge! Or shall I say, the epic war we women fight with our weighing scales is the longest war ever fought and still going on. No clear winner has emerged on either side.

Hello Peeps,

I am a woman in thirties (sorry the numbers just blur after you hit 30.) So anyhow, I am trying to lose weight, not for the first time . . . I have been a foot soldier of the epic battle since the last two decades. The pounds were defeated and sent to exile when I was in my twenties. But suddenly and terrifyingly, several years ago, they staged a coup.

The coup wasn’t overnight but a success because for the last eight years or so it wasn’t all about me anymore. They were additions to my life; a ring on my finger, a kid to raise and of course a darn house to run and if the plate wasn’t loaded enough, I decided to kick start a new career, become a writer.

98% of the time, I sincerely thank god for the things, I just griped about in the para above. But when I stand, one foot and one toe on the weighing scale, I know what’s coming between me and my Heidi Klum like body (minus her hair, her height, her smile and her millions, I know I have a Heidi hiding inside me. We all do! You know it. Only the names vary, Heidi, Aishwarya, Gisele, etc!)

Anyhow getting back to the battle of the bulge! Like I mentioned, having different priorities made the coup successful and the fat found spots on my body that I had stopped using, (the unfortunate and laden parts are listed below)

My Obliques for one (obviously lifting things off and picking things up, from the floor, only works the nerves not the waist)

Upper and lower abdomen. Damn, I didn’t even know there were two sets of abs till I saw the my one stomach bifurcate into two RV tires.

Big butt! Self explanatory, so moving on.

Jelly thighs packaged with a few layers of good old fat.

But a teeny tiny detail, in us women, the bulge overlooks, is something we are globally ridiculed for- we are the NAGS. Women can moan, groan, gripe, croak and whine until we are heard or obeyed (men obviously have a hearing problem and they call us names). In other words, and going by our spirit, I would say that, hold your breath, being a nag is not bad. It inversely points to the fact that women persevere , are tenacious, and do not give up. How’s that? Like the thought, then hold on to it!

Therefore nagged by my perseverance, I’ve decided to lose the fat and get my Heidi Klum body back. This time I want to send the bulge back from where it came, unlike the terminator who keeps coming back in sequels.

So a few decisions were arrived upon between my brain and me and of course, the wallet was never ignored.

Goal: To go from size 12 to a size 6 (only if I am still alive in the year 3000). I think, size 8 is probably more realistic, and would look healthy on 5 foot 6 inch frame. I am taking the path of inch loss rather than weight loss- the end is the same only the road travelled different. Moreover, I do not want to obsess or get freaked out by the weighing scale which starts resembling Jason from Friday the 13th, whenever I try to drop the pounds.

Time to achieve my goal: This no death race therefore I shall give myself 6 months. If it happens before I promise not to binge.

Obstacles: My inherent laziness, hectic schedule (even though I am a stay at home, it means I’m a work at home) and the loss of will power.

Motivation: A) Heidi Klum body. B) Gain confidence and that feeling of being invincible which pathetically sometimes tends to be as good as my reflection in the mirror. And the ultimate motivator, beat the crap out of the bulge-take it out rather than let it take me in.

Firstly, some basics necessities were taken care of. I have a found a gym, four miles away from where I live, which is a suburbia in Orange County which in part is a suburbia of Los Angeles.(As I’m not promoting anything, except weight loss and self esteem, both of which do not require sponsorship, I shall skip names of places.)

This gym was not only well equipped but also has a fantastic and well-supervised kid center. Now I have a reliable, dependable and adorable gym buddy, my three year old. She’ll never cancel on me because of a sudden date or deadline.

Next, without breaking a budget, bought some workout clothes, not too tight (no love handles need to be overtly displayed) and not too loose (size 12 should not resemble size 18).

And lastly and very importantly decided on a diet: Low fat, low carb and high protein (there is so much information out there on the web that in few days and few hours of research I had the knowledge I needed). Also, have decided to guzzle at least 4 liters of H2O as water increases metabolism (mine is at the point of extinction) and keeps you feeling stuffed enough not to chow down calorie infested soul food.

All you wonderful people, who have taken the time out of their crazy schedules to read this, must be wondering why the heck is she blogging about her decision to lose weight. The answer is simple, the easiest promise to break is the one made to no one.

I am hesitantly, reluctantly, and cruelly, exposing my Achilles heel and personal demon, as a motivation to myself and anyone else who wants to tread on the same route. I know the journey shall be long, sweaty and overwhelming. One thing I shall make very clear, I’m not taking any foolish or rash steps, I’ll eat healthy and portion-controlled but definitely eat.

At least, once or twice a week, I will update my struggles, successes and whatever drama that comes in between. From all you, readers, I need reactions. Please, pretty please, do post your thoughts and comments on the Blog page. Also, forward this link to any one you know, who might have staged a similar battle, or is planning to go on one, or just likes reading and trusts your judgment. Thank you and till next time.

Abientot and Jai Ho! :)